Ok, so today is going to have to be day 1. I am fasting today, tomorrow and friday. I will see how i feel on saturday. I want to start tanning agian, but I don't have the money for it right now. There is a place really close to my apartment. and tonight I am going to do my sit ups.I have realy been slacking off. I think i am going to take pictures and post them, so that i can track my progress. any feedback would be great.

Stats:
Name: Brit
Age: 19 (almost 20!!!)
Height: 5’4
Highest Weight: 140 (ickkk)
Lowest Weight: 115 (ironically that was my freshman year where i only ate candy bars and cherry pepsi.... but with all that sugar i developed a weird addiction --whenever my blood sugar was lower than normal, which at the time was crazy high, i would get shaky, nervous, dizzy, and extremely over heated.)
Current Weight: 135 ish
Goal:
Short term: 120 by march 31
Long term: 100-110 ish by my birthday (CINQO DE MAYO!!! -- i am going to the beach, sooo i have to look good. haha.)

I think with my tax return money I am going to get a membership at a tanning salon, and put some money aside for clothes once i slim down a little. I am really excited because I love shopping Good will and such because they have great clothes. The one that I go to is in an extremely rich neighborhood so i get some cute stuff. I think I want a pair of overalls if I can find them. And I have already decided on my bathing suit for this year. I am going to get the Yellow string bikini from Old Navy. I love it. I get tan really easily so i think it will look really good!
Due to the stress of my stupid roomates (and when i say stress, i dont mean a little thing like they were taking too long with the washer, I mean, they were smoking in my apartment and doing cocaine. My thing is, i dont care if you do it, just dont to it in my house. we have a porch for you to smoke on.) but because of that, i now have a cold sore on my lip. ( i only get them when i am extrememly stressed or sick) and i feel gross. i have good friends tho, they act like they dont even see it. That makes it easier. Today during my lunch hour i am gonig to clean out my car. Finally. ITs so disgusting in there. I want to take it to one of those places where you can vacuum it out for a dollar. its really bad. ha. oh well.

Another thing, does anyone know a good exercise for thinning out your thighs and toning your legs? i know that seventeen.com has a couple of exercises but has anyone had great success with one that they can tell me about?

I am so excited about my fasting!!! i really think that i am going to stick too it this time!!!! Any support would be great.

*♥*

Current Location: work
Current Music: bitchy russians voice

I don't know what to do. I hate that bitch. I asked her not to smoke in my apartment, and she did. I swear to God I could put a chair through her face. God, if you can hear/see this help me. I don't know what to do. We can't live here on our own. We don't have the money. I agreed to her coming back to the apartment because I thought that it would be good for him. The only thing that she has managed to accomplish is how to piss me off. I need guidance. I have no "out" for all of this anger. I don't know what I am going to do.

Current Mood: crappy

8:30- Did not go to the gym yesterday, but I will today. I had really fatty breakfast this morning, but I am going to try and not eat for the rest of the day, but I am having company today and we are supposed to go out to eat. Its Snowing.
8:43- My boss just told me to go home!!! Whoot!!

Got sent home early due to snow, slept from 9:30a to 2:30p which was nice. I bought new makeup today which made me feel pretty. I love physicians formula. Tomorrow i have to remember to go and get some for my sister. (and finish my labs... eh)

I am going to bed.

Current Location: couch
Current Music: Firefly - Breaking Benjamin

I haven't been doing well. need to continue

My mom just moved to Montana. 2000 miles away from me.

When i was little, I wouldn't play with baby dolls because it depressed me. I thought it made me closer to dying. a little sick for a 5 year old huh?

When I began the sixth grade, my mother had just finished her bar tending school, and took a job bar tending evenings during the week. My grandmother watched us. Then when the weekends came, my sister and i would go to either our grandmothers or our fathers.

I felt so lonely. So sad and overwhelmed. I remember looking outside on a sunny day and feeling nothing. no beauty in the world. in school i was in band. I couldn't focus, and eventually quit playing flute and clarinet. I felt so sad all the time. I stopped eating. I became anorexic. Finally, when spring rolled around, my grandmother started to notice, and forced me to eat. I was so angry with her. but i got better.

Now, I see how fast my teen years went by. My freshman year in high school i got engaged to my childhood best friend. and he and i dated for two years. he cheated on me. i broke up with him. And i also wasted two years that i could have been spending more time with my family.

I have that feeling again. the feeling from playing baby dolls and the feeling from sixth grade. we will see where it takes me.

Current Location: couch
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: xbox game

Food: 2/2
Water: 0/2
Exercise: 2/2
Post: 2/2
SEC: 2/2 -- Relaxing day. Did absolutely nothing all day and I feel GOOD!

4/--/31 == 77%

Current Mood: okay

Mom left for Montana this morning. I cried. but i think i am ok now. My cats are pissing me off. I am getting hungry, but i am going to do sit ups to see if i can wane it off. My sister is great. I love her.

9:16- Well, today I don’t have to worry about not eating. I am so worked up over my stupid ass bank that I really have NO appetite. I am so upset. And worst of all, I cried all my makeup off. I hate Wachovia.
9:40- My eyes keep welling up and burning. I am going to make some coffee. I am so tired; tired of Raleigh. Life here is hard. I can’t wait until we get to Shelby. After I do taxes, I am going to apply for FAFSA. I need it. When I go to school in the fall I am really going to need it. It would help so much, but I doubt that I am going to get it. I think they will say that I make too much. Oh well, I can try. That and my parents make too much. But of course, I am not ever going to see any of that now am I?
9:46- Wes went for an interview yesterday. I really hope he gets this job. We would finally have extra money. Not just that, we could finally pay the bills.
10:01- I looked at my pay period thing, and they way that I get paid this month is going to work out just fine. So I am ok now, I guess. I am actually a little hungry. I think I am going to eat the salad I packed. I know I know, I am supposed to be fasting, but I thought it was Friday yesterday and I really meant that I am going to fast Saturday and Sunday. I am ready to be a nurse so that I can make some money to support myself. My abs still hurt, but not as much because I didn’t do sit ups yesterday. So today I am skipping right to 300. Then I am going to sleep. And I will wake up when the boyfriend gets home. Since I have to drive up to momma’s house at 4:30, I will just stay up till then, then drive home and sleep a good bit.
10:29-Harry Potter Time.
1:15-Went to Mommas house. I cried.
3:12- Thank Goodness. Friday’s go by fast.
4:27- I finally finished the 3rd Harry Potter book. Now I can read the 4th. (I know I am a little late with the books, but I have seen the movies and now I have to read the books.) I am so excited to read book 4. Even more excited about book 5. I think my birthday present, or tax return present to me will be the Harry Potter series.
Today I did really bad  I am cracking from mom leaving tomorrow.

Current Mood: devious

8:11- Today I have really messed up.
8:33- OK. I am going to start fasting right now. I am so tired I don’t even want to be at work. I messed up 2 days in a row. Yesterday was really bad- I had an omelet (two eggs) with jalapeno cheese. And this morning I grabbed a handful of chocolate covered peanuts. I am so angry with myself. I am so done with being fat. This is it. I am so pissed at myself. I think during lunch I may take a nap in my car since I don’t have the gas to go see momma. With is really sad, because she is moving to Montana Saturday.  Last night I did 100 sit ups without something holding down my feet. I can feel my abdominal muscles. I can’t wait to do more tonight. I think tonight I am going to do 150 or 200 sit ups. I want to get up to 500 next week. I know that I can do it. I think today is going to go by really slowly because I am so tired. My plan for this weekend is going to work. I am going to stay up relatively late Friday and I have to get up at 4:30am to go see my mom off to Montana. I am going to cry. Both my little sister and my little brother, ages 5 and 9 months respectively, are moving with them. I am almost 20 years old. You would think that I would have a better grip on my emotions by now. Maybe its because I am so tired.
8:52- My makeup looks pretty today. And it’s almost 9 o’clock. So that means I only have 8 hours left in my day. I seriously am going to take a nap during lunch. I am so tired.
8:55- Time to start my spider solitaire for the day. I am probably going to read Harry Potter too, I just haven’t gotten to it here at work.
9:52- Another hour gone by. Whoosh.
10:02- Sitting up straight helps with my posture, and my abs will get strength.
10:18- I just bent over to re-tie my shoes, and my abs (or what is beginning to be my abs) hurt so badly, and I LOVED IT.
10:21- Tonight is strictly beauty night for my self esteem challenge. I am going to take a bubble bath with my new pomegranate soap (mm so tasty) and paint my toe nails (if I can find the nail polish remover) and shave. That’s the big thing, shaving. I haven’t shaved my legs in FOREVER! And that’s gross. I mean, I will shave the bottom half but not the top, because they are almost always under pants.
10:32- I am reading all of the communities on live journal for fasting or anorexia. Some of those girls are really, really depressed. I am not fasting because I am depressed, I am fasting because I do not like my weight.
10:57- I am doing great! I think that the pain in my abs is helping suppress my hunger. Ha.
11:00- Oh my Goodness, I just sneezed and I squeezed all my muscles together, and it hurt. Oh my good gracious.
12:06- I just went out to the mail box and when I came back in I saw my reflection in the door, and I LOOK GOOD! I am so proud! That scores me 2 peanut clusters of about 5 peanuts each. And that also made me do 200 sit ups tonight. After I eat these two peanut things, no more food for a long time, I mean, at least until Monday, I want to look pretty. And I don’t feel pretty. I mean, I do sometimes, but not when I am getting a shower or when I lift my shirt up over my head to see my progress. I am going to go home and lay down and watch TV. ANTM is on for the next 3 days and it will be my inspiration this weekend, giving me a head start for Monday. I don’t know how other girls do it. I have figured out my plan:
Days 1-2 = easing into fasting, cutting major calories
Days 3-4= Fasting. No food what so ever. Get crystal light packets and Bonnie Bell to sub for food.
Days 5-10= If I am doing well after my fasting days, then these days I will start to re-introduce healthy foods into my diet. If I do not like where I am after days 3 and 4, I will continue fasting, taking it one day at a time.

Healthy Foods:
Veggies:
-cucumbers
-spinach
-tomatoes
-fresh broccoli
-celery
-carrots
-peppers
Fruits:
-Berries of all kinds – antioxidants
-Honeydew melon – mostly water
-Watermelon – mostly water
-Apples
-Grapes
-Oranges
-Bananas
Protein/Meat:
-Salmon
-Tuna (mostly)
-Lean beef (sparingly)
-Eggs (icky, but the occasional omelet is tasty)
-Refried beans (again, sparingly)
Dairy:
-Yogurt
-Skim Milk
-Cheese (hard and sharp kinds)
Grain:
-Whole wheat Pita
-Whole wheat tortillas
-Whole wheat tortilla chips
-Baked Potato (sparingly)

1:26- I am so excited. Ok, so that is my eating plan. Here is my exercise plan:
~Day 1- 100 sit ups, 30 leg lifts, head to knee for 1 minute, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 2 -200 sit ups, 40 leg lifts, head to knee for 2 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 3- 300 sit ups, 50 leg lifts, head to knee for 3 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 4- 400 sit ups, 60 leg lifts, head to knee for 4 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 5- 500 sit ups, 75 leg lifts, head to knee for 5 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
1:47- Once the weather breaks, I am going to start playing tennis. I love tennis. Then in the summer I am going to swim. Swimming is fun, I like the water resistance. I know that I will be spending a lot more time in the water this summer because when I move out to Shelby, I can go to the lake!
2:21- Time to read Harry Potter
2:45- The day is going by so slowly. My eyes are burning from lack of sleep. I think I might go home a nap a little. I can always use more sleep. Maybe I could nap in between loads of laundry. After I do my sit ups. There is only one part of my drive home that I enjoy, and that’s just because I am almost home.
3:02- I am so tired I am not even thinking about being hungry.
3:31- I am ready to go home. I have an hour and a half left. Ugh.

Food: 0/2
Water:2/2
Exercise: 0/2
Post: 2/2
SEC: 2/2 = today for my self esteem challenge, I took a bubble bath with my new pomegranate soap and I finished laundry.
2/--/16

Current Location: couch
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: oblivion game

8:06- I am starting my day. I am trying not to eat anything, at all! Which will be easy since no one will be home until 9, I can say that I have eaten already, I just can’t give in. I did yesterday—I had salad, lots of ham for salad, and lots of turkey, I feel guilty. I haven’t had coffee yet because we don’t have any cups left. I feel sleepy, but I woke up an hour early today. I am worried that I will give in, and I don’t want to do that. I am going to read Harry Potter again today; I finally have reached the good part so now I am excited to finish the book even though I have seen the movie.
8:35- Still no cups. My boss sent one of the cleaners to go get some cup so hopefully they will be back soon, I REALLY want some coffee. It will help. I am a lot less hungry than I was a few minutes ago.
9:11-I am getting a little hungry, but I can almost talk myself out of it, it’s pretty cool.
9:42- Finally, cups are here, how ever, they are only 8oz size, so I have to be careful with how much coffee I pour in it. I am freezing. It’s so cold in here; my feet are getting Charlie horses in them. It hurts so badly.
9:51- I have got some coffee, and I am warming up a little. But my feet are still freezing.
10:21- I looked at myself in the mirror last night and I could tell that I am starting to loose some weight. My stomach doesn’t look so bloated. I am so proud of myself, which alone is enough to stop me from eating a pretzel. Day 1 was hard, and I cheated, but today is easy, it’s gone by pretty fast. Luckily I have to go help mom pack stuff during lunch, and that will keep my mind off of food. I might get Starbucks today. Who knows?
10:26- I am reading the 28 day plan, and I that 30 minutes of exercise = 150 calories. I am definitely happy about that, because now I can justify my Starbucks! If I get a Venti Caramel Frappuccino and work out an extra 30 minutes, the calories that I would retain from the drink would only be 240. Plus (or minus I suppose) the calories that I am going to burn from cleaning, and going up and down the stairs. I think I am going to start doing leg lifts, sit ups, dancing or running in place or something cardio every night. I am so excited to look good!
11:01- When I get home I need to wash my face, and take out my contacts.
11:25- When I get extra money again, (not for a while) I want to get Crest White Strips.
11:43- Lunch is soon. Well, more like, Starbucks is soon. Mm. I can’t wait to exercise today. Not eating is actually really easy. I keep thinking about Mary-Kate and Ashley, and the skinny jeans at gap. I can’t wait till March or April when tax returns come in so I can get pretty skinny jeans!!! (I can’t do it now, I look to fat.) I am really enjoying this posting when I get hungry. It keeps my mind off of eating. It helps and I am really happy! I am so proud of myself! I can already see the prettiness in the mirror. I read online that it takes 2 days of fasting before you hit your fat supplies. I am so excited! And I have decided that I am going to get a Grande Light Carmel Frappuccino with no whip cream which the total calories would be 180. Then I am going to exercise for an hour = -300 calories, giving me negative calories for the day. Plus walking and running up the stairs. Ah! So excited!
1:42- Ok, so I had my coffee, and I have had about 20 peanuts. So I have to work out for an hour and a half today. I think I can do it. Wait… wait… I know I can!
1:45- I feel a little guilty about the peanuts but if I didn’t eat them I would have fallen asleep, and I can’t do that at work. I have to wait until the weekend to do it at home. I am drinking some water now. My stomach feels so full because I just downed a Frappuccino from Starbucks, which is great! This weekend is going to be so easy! If I nap when I am tired I can avoid eating when I am tired. And if I stay up late and sleep less I will deprive myself of sleep, which I use instead of eating! Then, by Monday I will be used to it and just not eat. This is great!
2:04- have to pee again. Detoxify…detoxify…
2:15- I am getting really dizzy.
2:17- My stomach is so full I feel like I could hurl up that coffee. Wouldn’t be a bad idea if it happened by itself. BUT I will not make myself do it either.
2:34- AH! I have got to pee… AGAIN! Only 30 minutes later!
2:59- I have pictures of actresses on my fridge, but I think I am going to cut out some more for “thin-spiration.” And guess what? It’s 3 o’clock and I have to pee again!
3:02- After I finish this refill of my water I have 3 more to go and I am done! If I drink 1 every 2 hours, I will be done by 9 pm! I need to get more Bonnie Bell Lip Gloss. You can live off of that stuff! It tastes like the real thing, and then you don’t have to eat!
3:07- I feel great! – playing more spider solitaire, I am working on beating my 6 wins record. I love my new Gmail account and my new Journal layout it looks GREAT!
3:26- It’s almost time for me to pee again! I feel it! I am getting a little scatter brained, and shaky. I suppose it’s from not eating. Oh well. I can deal with it.
3:33- I never want to look like Calista Flockhart circa 1998. She is like a skeleton. I just want to be thinner.
4:03- Oh my goodness… I have to pee again!
4:05- I just realized that I have 55 minutes left in my day. Holy cow, I love this posting while I’m at work! (I take my laptop to work, and type my journal in word, then copy and paste into my LJ)
4:23- Whoa… I only have 37 minutes to go! I am still waiting for a fasting buddy. Hopefully I can find someone who will be my support team, and who I can support too!

Current Location: Bed Room
Current Music: ANTM on the VH1