~* BrittieJean *~

A New Beginning

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 15:25:11 GMT

Ok, so today is going to have to be day 1. I am fasting today, tomorrow and friday. I will see how i feel on saturday. I want to start tanning agian, but I don't have the money for it right now. There is a place really close to my apartment. and tonight I am going to do my sit ups.I have realy been slacking off. I think i am going to take pictures and post them, so that i can track my progress. any feedback would be great.

Stats:
Name: Brit
Age: 19 (almost 20!!!)
Height: 5’4
Highest Weight: 140 (ickkk)
Lowest Weight: 115 (ironically that was my freshman year where i only ate candy bars and cherry pepsi.... but with all that sugar i developed a weird addiction --whenever my blood sugar was lower than normal, which at the time was crazy high, i would get shaky, nervous, dizzy, and extremely over heated.)
Current Weight: 135 ish
Goal:
Short term: 120 by march 31
Long term: 100-110 ish by my birthday (CINQO DE MAYO!!! -- i am going to the beach, sooo i have to look good. haha.)

I think with my tax return money I am going to get a membership at a tanning salon, and put some money aside for clothes once i slim down a little. I am really excited because I love shopping Good will and such because they have great clothes. The one that I go to is in an extremely rich neighborhood so i get some cute stuff. I think I want a pair of overalls if I can find them. And I have already decided on my bathing suit for this year. I am going to get the Yellow string bikini from Old Navy. I love it. I get tan really easily so i think it will look really good!
Due to the stress of my stupid roomates (and when i say stress, i dont mean a little thing like they were taking too long with the washer, I mean, they were smoking in my apartment and doing cocaine. My thing is, i dont care if you do it, just dont to it in my house. we have a porch for you to smoke on.) but because of that, i now have a cold sore on my lip. ( i only get them when i am extrememly stressed or sick) and i feel gross. i have good friends tho, they act like they dont even see it. That makes it easier. Today during my lunch hour i am gonig to clean out my car. Finally. ITs so disgusting in there. I want to take it to one of those places where you can vacuum it out for a dollar. its really bad. ha. oh well.

Another thing, does anyone know a good exercise for thinning out your thighs and toning your legs? i know that seventeen.com has a couple of exercises but has anyone had great success with one that they can tell me about?

I am so excited about my fasting!!! i really think that i am going to stick too it this time!!!! Any support would be great.

*♥*

I hate her.

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 09:38:19 GMT

I don't know what to do. I hate that bitch. I asked her not to smoke in my apartment, and she did. I swear to God I could put a chair through her face. God, if you can hear/see this help me. I don't know what to do. We can't live here on our own. We don't have the money. I agreed to her coming back to the apartment because I thought that it would be good for him. The only thing that she has managed to accomplish is how to piss me off. I need guidance. I have no "out" for all of this anger. I don't know what I am going to do.

Day 1

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:44:00 GMT

8:30- Did not go to the gym yesterday, but I will today. I had really fatty breakfast this morning, but I am going to try and not eat for the rest of the day, but I am having company today and we are supposed to go out to eat. Its Snowing.
8:43- My boss just told me to go home!!! Whoot!!

Got sent home early due to snow, slept from 9:30a to 2:30p which was nice. I bought new makeup today which made me feel pretty. I love physicians formula. Tomorrow i have to remember to go and get some for my sister. (and finish my labs... eh)

I am going to bed.

eh.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 23:55:25 GMT

I haven't been doing well. need to continue

I've got that feeling again...

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 00:33:33 GMT

My mom just moved to Montana. 2000 miles away from me.

When i was little, I wouldn't play with baby dolls because it depressed me. I thought it made me closer to dying. a little sick for a 5 year old huh?

When I began the sixth grade, my mother had just finished her bar tending school, and took a job bar tending evenings during the week. My grandmother watched us. Then when the weekends came, my sister and i would go to either our grandmothers or our fathers.

I felt so lonely. So sad and overwhelmed. I remember looking outside on a sunny day and feeling nothing. no beauty in the world. in school i was in band. I couldn't focus, and eventually quit playing flute and clarinet. I felt so sad all the time. I stopped eating. I became anorexic. Finally, when spring rolled around, my grandmother started to notice, and forced me to eat. I was so angry with her. but i got better.

Now, I see how fast my teen years went by. My freshman year in high school i got engaged to my childhood best friend. and he and i dated for two years. he cheated on me. i broke up with him. And i also wasted two years that i could have been spending more time with my family.

I have that feeling again. the feeling from playing baby dolls and the feeling from sixth grade. we will see where it takes me.

Day 4

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 01:54:02 GMT

Food: 2/2
Water: 0/2
Exercise: 2/2
Post: 2/2
SEC: 2/2 -- Relaxing day. Did absolutely nothing all day and I feel GOOD!

4/--/31 == 77%

Work out when you are hungry

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:51:55 GMT

Mom left for Montana this morning. I cried. but i think i am ok now. My cats are pissing me off. I am getting hungry, but i am going to do sit ups to see if i can wane it off. My sister is great. I love her.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 00:20:31 GMT

9:16- Well, today I don’t have to worry about not eating. I am so worked up over my stupid ass bank that I really have NO appetite. I am so upset. And worst of all, I cried all my makeup off. I hate Wachovia.
9:40- My eyes keep welling up and burning. I am going to make some coffee. I am so tired; tired of Raleigh. Life here is hard. I can’t wait until we get to Shelby. After I do taxes, I am going to apply for FAFSA. I need it. When I go to school in the fall I am really going to need it. It would help so much, but I doubt that I am going to get it. I think they will say that I make too much. Oh well, I can try. That and my parents make too much. But of course, I am not ever going to see any of that now am I?
9:46- Wes went for an interview yesterday. I really hope he gets this job. We would finally have extra money. Not just that, we could finally pay the bills.
10:01- I looked at my pay period thing, and they way that I get paid this month is going to work out just fine. So I am ok now, I guess. I am actually a little hungry. I think I am going to eat the salad I packed. I know I know, I am supposed to be fasting, but I thought it was Friday yesterday and I really meant that I am going to fast Saturday and Sunday. I am ready to be a nurse so that I can make some money to support myself. My abs still hurt, but not as much because I didn’t do sit ups yesterday. So today I am skipping right to 300. Then I am going to sleep. And I will wake up when the boyfriend gets home. Since I have to drive up to momma’s house at 4:30, I will just stay up till then, then drive home and sleep a good bit.
10:29-Harry Potter Time.
1:15-Went to Mommas house. I cried.
3:12- Thank Goodness. Friday’s go by fast.
4:27- I finally finished the 3rd Harry Potter book. Now I can read the 4th. (I know I am a little late with the books, but I have seen the movies and now I have to read the books.) I am so excited to read book 4. Even more excited about book 5. I think my birthday present, or tax return present to me will be the Harry Potter series.
Today I did really bad  I am cracking from mom leaving tomorrow.

Another Day

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 02:23:21 GMT

8:11- Today I have really messed up.
8:33- OK. I am going to start fasting right now. I am so tired I don’t even want to be at work. I messed up 2 days in a row. Yesterday was really bad- I had an omelet (two eggs) with jalapeno cheese. And this morning I grabbed a handful of chocolate covered peanuts. I am so angry with myself. I am so done with being fat. This is it. I am so pissed at myself. I think during lunch I may take a nap in my car since I don’t have the gas to go see momma. With is really sad, because she is moving to Montana Saturday.  Last night I did 100 sit ups without something holding down my feet. I can feel my abdominal muscles. I can’t wait to do more tonight. I think tonight I am going to do 150 or 200 sit ups. I want to get up to 500 next week. I know that I can do it. I think today is going to go by really slowly because I am so tired. My plan for this weekend is going to work. I am going to stay up relatively late Friday and I have to get up at 4:30am to go see my mom off to Montana. I am going to cry. Both my little sister and my little brother, ages 5 and 9 months respectively, are moving with them. I am almost 20 years old. You would think that I would have a better grip on my emotions by now. Maybe its because I am so tired.
8:52- My makeup looks pretty today. And it’s almost 9 o’clock. So that means I only have 8 hours left in my day. I seriously am going to take a nap during lunch. I am so tired.
8:55- Time to start my spider solitaire for the day. I am probably going to read Harry Potter too, I just haven’t gotten to it here at work.
9:52- Another hour gone by. Whoosh.
10:02- Sitting up straight helps with my posture, and my abs will get strength.
10:18- I just bent over to re-tie my shoes, and my abs (or what is beginning to be my abs) hurt so badly, and I LOVED IT.
10:21- Tonight is strictly beauty night for my self esteem challenge. I am going to take a bubble bath with my new pomegranate soap (mm so tasty) and paint my toe nails (if I can find the nail polish remover) and shave. That’s the big thing, shaving. I haven’t shaved my legs in FOREVER! And that’s gross. I mean, I will shave the bottom half but not the top, because they are almost always under pants.
10:32- I am reading all of the communities on live journal for fasting or anorexia. Some of those girls are really, really depressed. I am not fasting because I am depressed, I am fasting because I do not like my weight.
10:57- I am doing great! I think that the pain in my abs is helping suppress my hunger. Ha.
11:00- Oh my Goodness, I just sneezed and I squeezed all my muscles together, and it hurt. Oh my good gracious.
12:06- I just went out to the mail box and when I came back in I saw my reflection in the door, and I LOOK GOOD! I am so proud! That scores me 2 peanut clusters of about 5 peanuts each. And that also made me do 200 sit ups tonight. After I eat these two peanut things, no more food for a long time, I mean, at least until Monday, I want to look pretty. And I don’t feel pretty. I mean, I do sometimes, but not when I am getting a shower or when I lift my shirt up over my head to see my progress. I am going to go home and lay down and watch TV. ANTM is on for the next 3 days and it will be my inspiration this weekend, giving me a head start for Monday. I don’t know how other girls do it. I have figured out my plan:
Days 1-2 = easing into fasting, cutting major calories
Days 3-4= Fasting. No food what so ever. Get crystal light packets and Bonnie Bell to sub for food.
Days 5-10= If I am doing well after my fasting days, then these days I will start to re-introduce healthy foods into my diet. If I do not like where I am after days 3 and 4, I will continue fasting, taking it one day at a time.

Healthy Foods:
Veggies:
-cucumbers
-spinach
-tomatoes
-fresh broccoli
-celery
-carrots
-peppers
Fruits:
-Berries of all kinds – antioxidants
-Honeydew melon – mostly water
-Watermelon – mostly water
-Apples
-Grapes
-Oranges
-Bananas
Protein/Meat:
-Salmon
-Tuna (mostly)
-Lean beef (sparingly)
-Eggs (icky, but the occasional omelet is tasty)
-Refried beans (again, sparingly)
Dairy:
-Yogurt
-Skim Milk
-Cheese (hard and sharp kinds)
Grain:
-Whole wheat Pita
-Whole wheat tortillas
-Whole wheat tortilla chips
-Baked Potato (sparingly)

1:26- I am so excited. Ok, so that is my eating plan. Here is my exercise plan:
~Day 1- 100 sit ups, 30 leg lifts, head to knee for 1 minute, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 2 -200 sit ups, 40 leg lifts, head to knee for 2 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 3- 300 sit ups, 50 leg lifts, head to knee for 3 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 4- 400 sit ups, 60 leg lifts, head to knee for 4 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
~Day 5- 500 sit ups, 75 leg lifts, head to knee for 5 minutes, work on stretches for flexibility, and 30 minutes of cardio, run up and down the stairs 25 times
1:47- Once the weather breaks, I am going to start playing tennis. I love tennis. Then in the summer I am going to swim. Swimming is fun, I like the water resistance. I know that I will be spending a lot more time in the water this summer because when I move out to Shelby, I can go to the lake!
2:21- Time to read Harry Potter
2:45- The day is going by so slowly. My eyes are burning from lack of sleep. I think I might go home a nap a little. I can always use more sleep. Maybe I could nap in between loads of laundry. After I do my sit ups. There is only one part of my drive home that I enjoy, and that’s just because I am almost home.
3:02- I am so tired I am not even thinking about being hungry.
3:31- I am ready to go home. I have an hour and a half left. Ugh.

Food: 0/2
Water:2/2
Exercise: 0/2
Post: 2/2
SEC: 2/2 = today for my self esteem challenge, I took a bubble bath with my new pomegranate soap and I finished laundry.
2/--/16

Day 1 of my 28

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 23:18:04 GMT

8:06- I am starting my day. I am trying not to eat anything, at all! Which will be easy since no one will be home until 9, I can say that I have eaten already, I just can’t give in. I did yesterday—I had salad, lots of ham for salad, and lots of turkey, I feel guilty. I haven’t had coffee yet because we don’t have any cups left. I feel sleepy, but I woke up an hour early today. I am worried that I will give in, and I don’t want to do that. I am going to read Harry Potter again today; I finally have reached the good part so now I am excited to finish the book even though I have seen the movie.
8:35- Still no cups. My boss sent one of the cleaners to go get some cup so hopefully they will be back soon, I REALLY want some coffee. It will help. I am a lot less hungry than I was a few minutes ago.
9:11-I am getting a little hungry, but I can almost talk myself out of it, it’s pretty cool.
9:42- Finally, cups are here, how ever, they are only 8oz size, so I have to be careful with how much coffee I pour in it. I am freezing. It’s so cold in here; my feet are getting Charlie horses in them. It hurts so badly.
9:51- I have got some coffee, and I am warming up a little. But my feet are still freezing.
10:21- I looked at myself in the mirror last night and I could tell that I am starting to loose some weight. My stomach doesn’t look so bloated. I am so proud of myself, which alone is enough to stop me from eating a pretzel. Day 1 was hard, and I cheated, but today is easy, it’s gone by pretty fast. Luckily I have to go help mom pack stuff during lunch, and that will keep my mind off of food. I might get Starbucks today. Who knows?
10:26- I am reading the 28 day plan, and I that 30 minutes of exercise = 150 calories. I am definitely happy about that, because now I can justify my Starbucks! If I get a Venti Caramel Frappuccino and work out an extra 30 minutes, the calories that I would retain from the drink would only be 240. Plus (or minus I suppose) the calories that I am going to burn from cleaning, and going up and down the stairs. I think I am going to start doing leg lifts, sit ups, dancing or running in place or something cardio every night. I am so excited to look good!
11:01- When I get home I need to wash my face, and take out my contacts.
11:25- When I get extra money again, (not for a while) I want to get Crest White Strips.
11:43- Lunch is soon. Well, more like, Starbucks is soon. Mm. I can’t wait to exercise today. Not eating is actually really easy. I keep thinking about Mary-Kate and Ashley, and the skinny jeans at gap. I can’t wait till March or April when tax returns come in so I can get pretty skinny jeans!!! (I can’t do it now, I look to fat.) I am really enjoying this posting when I get hungry. It keeps my mind off of eating. It helps and I am really happy! I am so proud of myself! I can already see the prettiness in the mirror. I read online that it takes 2 days of fasting before you hit your fat supplies. I am so excited! And I have decided that I am going to get a Grande Light Carmel Frappuccino with no whip cream which the total calories would be 180. Then I am going to exercise for an hour = -300 calories, giving me negative calories for the day. Plus walking and running up the stairs. Ah! So excited!
1:42- Ok, so I had my coffee, and I have had about 20 peanuts. So I have to work out for an hour and a half today. I think I can do it. Wait… wait… I know I can!
1:45- I feel a little guilty about the peanuts but if I didn’t eat them I would have fallen asleep, and I can’t do that at work. I have to wait until the weekend to do it at home. I am drinking some water now. My stomach feels so full because I just downed a Frappuccino from Starbucks, which is great! This weekend is going to be so easy! If I nap when I am tired I can avoid eating when I am tired. And if I stay up late and sleep less I will deprive myself of sleep, which I use instead of eating! Then, by Monday I will be used to it and just not eat. This is great!
2:04- have to pee again. Detoxify…detoxify…
2:15- I am getting really dizzy.
2:17- My stomach is so full I feel like I could hurl up that coffee. Wouldn’t be a bad idea if it happened by itself. BUT I will not make myself do it either.
2:34- AH! I have got to pee… AGAIN! Only 30 minutes later!
2:59- I have pictures of actresses on my fridge, but I think I am going to cut out some more for “thin-spiration.” And guess what? It’s 3 o’clock and I have to pee again!
3:02- After I finish this refill of my water I have 3 more to go and I am done! If I drink 1 every 2 hours, I will be done by 9 pm! I need to get more Bonnie Bell Lip Gloss. You can live off of that stuff! It tastes like the real thing, and then you don’t have to eat!
3:07- I feel great! – playing more spider solitaire, I am working on beating my 6 wins record. I love my new Gmail account and my new Journal layout it looks GREAT!
3:26- It’s almost time for me to pee again! I feel it! I am getting a little scatter brained, and shaky. I suppose it’s from not eating. Oh well. I can deal with it.
3:33- I never want to look like Calista Flockhart circa 1998. She is like a skeleton. I just want to be thinner.
4:03- Oh my goodness… I have to pee again!
4:05- I just realized that I have 55 minutes left in my day. Holy cow, I love this posting while I’m at work! (I take my laptop to work, and type my journal in word, then copy and paste into my LJ)
4:23- Whoa… I only have 37 minutes to go! I am still waiting for a fasting buddy. Hopefully I can find someone who will be my support team, and who I can support too!

Old Rubber Band

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 19:54:20 GMT

i need to take pictures of myself. the icon/avatar that i have is from a year ago. i've "grown-up." i mostly wear my hair straight now, so yeah, new pic time. i also need some motivational pics, like before and after. the biggest problem that i have with my body is my stomach. its been funny shaped since i was born. i was 6-8+ weeks early, so i have spindely arms and lets, and then this stomach. so yeah. lots of situps for me. i am aiming for 100 a day along with 30-45 minutes of cardio, and some stretching. its amazing how after you are out of gym class that your body goes to shit. my last gym class was my freshman year of HS. its been 4 years. i need to work on my flexibility and such. so some stretching. i feel like an old rubber band.

Day 1

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 11:57:50 GMT

8:05- I am hungry, but I am drinking coffee.
8:15- Hunger is subsiding. I know that I can do this. Ben brought treats to work today, and it is taking so much will power to not eat them. But, I know if I can do this today, then I can do it any day!
8:50- Hungry again, have yet to finish my coffee. I am reading websites on healthy fasting. Whereas I am only slightly fasting, (I drink coffee and water, and will be eating plain oatmeal and maybe a kiwi for dinner) it’s still hard. But I want to do this. I know that I can. I think tonight I am going to start a community on LJ for healthy fasting and dieting. Maybe it will help. I need a fasting buddy, someone who will support me, and who I can talk to.
9:01- I started a community. The site is http://community.livejournal.com/fasting_help/. I tried to name it fasting buddies, but LJ says that there is already a community called that, so maybe I can go solicit people to join to help me. Hunger is subsiding again, now that my mind is occupied. I am going to work on pepping up the community.
9:50- So far, so good, I have done almost 2 hours without food. Now I only have 7 more hours of work to go. I can do it. I’ve started drinking my water. I am about to start my third potty break of the day.
10:00- I am not so hungry any more. I am keeping my goal in mind. I want to get Crystal Light flavor packs for water, but I am not sure how that would effect my fasting.
10:20- I am doing ok. I keep reminding myself of my goal. It’s working. I have been working on my community, making it pretty and I like it so far. I am going to go to other communities and pick out a few buddies.
10:45- I think that I am going to invest in flavor packs and gum, because they both help with fending off hunger.
10:51- I am going to get some Starbucks on the way home, when I turn in my change. Hopefully I will get enough cash to get some (lots) of gum, and flavor packs.
11:05- I am tempted to eat some crackers. I am playing over and over in my head “don’t eat them, don’t eat them,” now I just feel blah. I keep burping.
11:21- At 12 I am going to go clean out my car, which will give me something to do, then I can come back and read Harry Potter.
11:25- Ah! I have to pee again. 
11:34- I am playing my 7th game of spider solitaire to pass the time, and keep my mind off of eating. I look up skinny people online when I get tempted. So far its working. My goal is to look good in a pair of Skinny Jeans from Gap by when Tax Returns come in.
12:43- I am looking forward to my Starbucks… wow, that’s kind of sad.
12:50- I just realized that I have to do laundry today.
1:07- 4 hours to go. The day goes by a lot faster at 2. But it is getting there that is the problem.
1:30- I have made it to 1:30 without eating!!! It’s my little accomplishment, makes me proud of myself. 
1:35- refilling my water
1:43- I just realized, I don’t own a scale. I wonder if my mom is taking hers to Montana with them. I will ask.
2:40- It’s now an hour later, and I have to pee again!
2:42- It’s close to 3 o’clock, which then means I have only 2 hours left in my day (at work at least)
2:50- I am getting hungrier, and there is food right across from my desk, its so close, but I know that I can’t eat it, or my whole day would be ruined.
3:02- I am not so hungry now. I feel a little funny though, which I suppose is to be expected when fasting.
3:11- I was so close to eating a pretzel. A white chocolate covered pretzel. I think I am going to change my dinner to salad with ham and dressing (maybe Italian today) and a kiwi. I am so proud of myself for not eating the pretzel. SO PROUD!
3:20- I am counting down the minutes that I have to be here at work. Wow.
3:32- I was about to give in to a pretzel. And then I looked back at all the things I have written down today, and I can’t do it. I have worked so hard, I just can’t give in.
3:40- I almost got another cup of coffee. But I am going to resist. Today has been a little hard, but I am doing it! For some reason, I am burping often. Just little burps but still.
4:00- It’s 4pm, I have almost finished my work day. This next hour usually goes by REALLY fast… lets hope. Then I am off to get some coffee from Starbucks, change in a few dollars, and then deposit them into my bank account. Then, when I get home, I am going to put the turkey in they oven, pay for my math class, and then clean the house. I have to get some laundry done, and clean my room; it’s a MESS, especially from putting the new sheets on the bed. I left the dirty sheets in a pile on the floor. I also need to vacuum the living room, I have pieces of fabric everywhere from making my costume.
4:12- I have got to pee again. Oh drinking water, what it does to the dehydrated body.
4:15- I have noticed that my hands look much healthier than they have (my fingers don’t look so dead) since I have been drinking water.
4:22- Oh my goodness, I am so Hungry!!!! But I can do this I know that I can.
4:30- The hunger has subsided again. Thank goodness.
4:43- I am shutting down my laptop and heading out of work. I did it. I made it a whole work day without eating!!!
In the end I gave in and ate a whole Lot of turkey. Today its just going to be water and hot capuccino depending on the calorie count. eh.

i am tired of being frumpy.

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 15:17:56 GMT

i am so tired of being fat looking. i feel gross.

yeah stats are

age: 19
height:5-4
cw: (current weight)i think like 140 ish, god thats horrible
lw: (low weight)115 way back when
hw: (high weight)140 now
1GW: (first goal weight)120
2GW: (second goal weight)100

i know that this might sound horrible but i cant stand it any more. i am going to cut back on my calories... like between 500-700 daily. and exercise. we will see where i am in a week. who knows.

Titanic Obsession

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 03:57:31 GMT

I realized that i have a huge obsession with the titanic. i really want to go on a cruise so that i can stand at the end of the bow and feel like i am flying. There is only one problem. Ocean liners do not sail any more, cruise ships sail. But i don't want my ship to have a rock wall, i dont want my ship to have a helicopter pad, I dont want my ship to have a club on it. I want a grand stair case, and a huge promenade deck. I want tea rooms and first class lounges. I want beautiful and extravagant. I want the titanic. I want an ocean liner. I want the funnels and the telegraph machine. I want to be away from all the ordinary.

Right now i am working on making the "dinner dress" from the titanic. After i make that, i will be working on the "tea" dress form the movie. The dinner dress is the dress that you see Rose wearing when jack is invited to the first class meal. it is orange silk taffeta with a lace like over lay. the tea dress is the dress that you see in the very beginning of the movie when Jack first sees Rose. It has a green top with a massive red flower and empire waist band, followed by layers of lace. I would also like to make the "swim" dress for my trip to the coast. That is the dress that is many layers of georgette and has a watercolor like effect. it is also the dress that rose is wearing when the ship goes down. Eventually i would like to make the jump dress but the bodice (the part above the empire waist) is beaded. hand beaded. extensively.

haven't updated in a while

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 00:23:35 GMT

So of course, things have changed since the last time i wrote.
I have a new job... of course i am not sure how i feel about it. I am a receptionist for TowerComm Inc. I work with a lady from russia who i think hates me. my friend richard says that i should bring up the Cold war and see what happens.
I start classes in 1 month and 4 days. ha.
I am still applying to be a teachers assistant with wcpss but it's taking some time. I have managed to get interviews tho! which is good. I am still working on it though.
speaking of... i am going to go send out more resumes.
so much for updating.

Don't Fear The Reaper

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 02:33:02 GMT

My Kittens were attacking me this morning. It was cute.
I still haven't heard from the schools about becoming a teachers assistant. I suppose that they are looking for someone with experience. Well, we all know that you can't get experience unless they are willing to give you a job first. Oh well, everything happens for a reason.
I have finally settled on a career. I am going to be a nurse. I have to get everything handled before the end of this month: I need to turn in my FAFSA form, I need to apply to Cleveland, I need to get things cleared up with Jade (ie rent) I need to send off my scholarship stuff... etc. I am really looking forward to nursing.
I think I am going to be moving to Shelby in January. No one knows, except my sis.
I hate bills and dealing with money. I am about to shell out 200 bucks to fix my alternator. And by the end of October, I need 400 dollars for car insurance. Dear God. Tonight I need to set up a budget. A serious budget for the next little while. If I don't get the FAFSA or the scholarships, I won't be able to go to school. Oh God. I am not praying for money, I am praying for enlightenment.
I definitly do not like my job, but, the thing is, if I was to get a new job now, I would have to quit before I move. And, If I move to shelby, I know that there is a Kerr there, so I could transfer. Sarah leaves in November, so hopefully I can grab some more hours then. I really need to take the Tech test, and actually become certified. Certification = more money.

Im really happy.

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 14:01:16 GMT

a Lot has been going on lately. since i got back from shelby, i've been working all day, everyday. My schedule has been 1-9. ugh... i hate it. but, oh well. i need the money. I am applying for teachers assistant jobs. I am praying that i get one. I really would love it.
Wes and I are together. Its good.
I have two kittens. i got them on sunday. they are named Lena and Boo. Lena is a gray tabby, and Boo is a black kitten. they both have blue eyes and are so cute.
In january i am going to college. I really want to go to cleveland community college, they have a transfer program for elementary education. and its in shelby. i would love to go there.
I am so happy right now. I am happy with wes, i am happy with my kittens, im not happy with my job, but its not bringing me down. im happy that i am going to college, im so excited.
i want to move out to shelby. i think it would be awesome.
I dyed my hair a redish color. it looks awesome.
I most definitly dont wnat to go to work today. I really want a new job. I wish i could just get an interview. :(

Hey Lovas im back

Tue, 22 Aug 2006 03:04:02 GMT

im back from shelby and i had a great weekend. It was so much fun. lauran and i had a great time. we went swimming and started a fire, and roasted marshmellows, and danced inthe living room. :)
im back at work and i have a funny schedule this week. 1-9 all week.
blach.
oh well! haha. Its ok, it goes by fast. and thats good.
I went groceries yesterday and i actually enjoyed it.
Tomorrow morning i am cleaning the carpets before i go to work. I cant stand it any more. jade and troy... eh.

Yay-ness

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 19:55:36 GMT

I see my wes the day after tomorrow!!! Happy dance!

Would you light my candle?

Sun, 13 Aug 2006 03:03:03 GMT

Im happy. I have a boyfriend. His name is Wes. He is so nice to me. Omg its crazy.
I am going to shelby to see him the weekend coming up. im so excited. lauran is going with me. I hope she is in for a treat. we are going to have a blast. im so excited. AHH!!!

I knew that It was now or never.... those were the best days of our life

Sat, 29 Jul 2006 03:57:07 GMT

ooo love that song ^^ Summer of 69. It puts me in a good mood. I feel great. and its a good thing. I have a feeling that a guy will be coming into my life soon. I dont know why i feel that way, but i just do. ah.. deep breath. Time for me to go to bed. :)

When all your lies become your truths

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 04:20:26 GMT

Now, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left me with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I am givin' up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now? yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you really have everything you want?
You can't ever give somethin' you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now, yeah, yeah
come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had all that I can take
I'm not about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?

Tornado at Soccer Game

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 19:13:39 GMT



"Tornado at Soccer Game" on Google Video
www.Vewgle.com - The Google Video Forum Is it a bad omen if your soccer(football)(Futball) game is stopped by natures most powerful and destructive force?this tornado formed on the field. Its time to get a domed stadium. Give up hope. There is no future if this happens every game.

Dream a Little Dream of Me...

Sat, 22 Jul 2006 18:37:05 GMT

again, i have realized that everything is going to be ok. I learned some things this week. there is so much about me that i want to share with someone else, but i dontwant to share that with someone who doesnt care. I've had a lot of that in the past. i need to do things for me. I dont need a guy. and thats ok. eventually God will send me a wonderful man. Eventually....
Things about me that You don't know:
-I love my singing voice
-I dont like my hands or my feet.
-I'm Lazy, and im ok with that.
-I'm mean, but only when i need to be.
-I dont regret anything because i can't change it, i can only plan ahead.
-I want to be a youth minister.
-I love the out doors.
-I love anything sweet
-I am not perfect, but Im ok with that.

Thats all. Just thought that everyone should know that i have let it all go, i have moved on and that i dont want him any more. I am Happy now.

When you ask for answers and get ashes.

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 01:32:03 GMT

Don't know how i came up with that subject line but I like it. Anyways....
I've been at camp all week, and I love it. I know that Youth ministry is definitly where i need to be. I feel so alive when i am out there with the kids, and so close to God. I can't wait to be the differnce In someones life. I want to make the whole world feel the way that i do. I am still recovering from lake day yesterday, being thrown in and what not. Tomorrow is that last day of camp, and its depressing, because then I know that i have to go back to work on sunday. eh. oh well. it is going to get me closer to my goal of becoming a youth minister. The more money i can save up, the better off i am in the long run.
On the other hand, I can't figure out guys. But I dont know whats worse, me not knowing if i want him in my life, or him just keeping me as a back up. I mean, 2 days ago he told me that hanging out with me was perfect, and now, he is barely talking to me. ugh, i am so.... irritated. and hurt. and confused. I prayed about it, but i am still confused. I mean, i dont know how he feels about me being a youth minister, or even going to church. what if he isnt what i want him to be? or wont be what i want him to be? or he wont be willing to sacrifice? or put others first?I have a standard that i have set for myself that i need to stand up to, that i need to be better than, and i dont kow if i can do it with him.
See, he said that he wants to hang out, and i was like, whatev, fine, but he has yet to pick a day. Tomorrow, They want me to go to the movies after camp, and i am all for that, but i dont want to be sitting in the movies and then he call me and be like, ugh, i wanna see you.
But then again, this is where i can hear my sister saying to me : dont plan your life around a guy! thats so stupid.
I mean, there is this really really really cute guy at camp, but, AHH!! i give up. I guess if i am going to find a guy, he is going to have to find me.
grr.